Friday, 31 December 2010

New Years Eve

I’m looking out of my bedroom window
Reminiscing the years before
Watching the firework display
Of different flashing colours
A candle flickering beside me
Thinking of all the mistakes I made
Regrets filling my mind
I blow away my candle
Blowing away all the bad memories
Relishing the good
I make a wish for a good year ahead
The clock ticks to 12 am
I wipe away last year’s tears
This is not just a new year but a new me.

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

A Promise To You

I dream of perfect love for us
and hope that it will be
and yet I end up giving you
a less than perfect me.
I wish so much
I could change, for you
Be the sweetest you ever had
But there are things in me
That gets in the way.
I believe that none could love you
quite as deeply as I do;
And yet I fail to show you
Just how much I do
Everyday I think of ways
To show my love for you
But nothing truly can express
The depth of my love
As I give shy glances your way
When you’re least likely to suspect
I wonder if you know
Just how much you mean to me
Wish you could see
Through my eyes
So you could see
How I feel inside
I could be cruel at times
Act as if I don’t care
But through it all
My love grows, unchangeable
I’ll always be their
No matter what, till the end
When you’re feeling blue or feeling lonely
I’ll be there for you to hold
And to listen to you
You’re the only one I want
It is you I need
I cannot give perfection, but this is a promise from me to you
I will spend my life time learning
how to love you

Monday, 2 August 2010

Heart Broken

Just to let you know
I'm happy for you
You got the girl you always loved
It's not fair still
You were my number one
When I was your last option
I pretend I don't care
When really it's killing me inside
Don't call me
I know it's only to ease your guilt
More than the fact you want to be friends
I miss hearing your voice though
When I do
My heart breaks a little more
Other than that
I miss holding you
Smelling you on my clothe after
All those little things
That mean a hell of alot to me
My heart is completly broken
Beating like a scratched CD
No stopping these shit tears
I know I could do better
I deserve better
You took my love for granted
Gave you everything
But It wasn't good enough
Foolish as it may seem
I still want you
I wish I could go back
To the days you were my baby
I would of held you tighter
If I knew I would lose you so soon
Stupid as it may seem i thought we had something everlasting
All I can do now is walk away
If only it were that simple.

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Old Wounds

All i can hear
Is myself breathing
Every breath like splinters being hammered
In an old creaking floor board
Old wounds
My eyes prickle
I won't give up
Not yet I came so far
The mattress ingulfs me
Into its frail body
I hold the picture frame tighter
In my hand
Not willing to let go
Its been years. Still
A crack is visible on the frame
I carres it with a single finger
Blood trickles out screaming
I suck on it
Tasting bitter metal
I turn my face
Towards the dust clouded window
A beam of light escapes
Is there still hope?

Friday, 23 April 2010


Walking down the isle
Make up slapped on my face
True beauty hidden
My bleeding red sari
Painfully stunning
Hand made detailing
Weighing a ton
My feet feeling like bricks unwilling to walk further
The heals paining the soles of my feet
Blisters scarring my toes
I see a stranger waiting for me
The man I’m about to spend the rest of my life with
I look down like a shy bride
Trying to contain tears that may spill
Joy is far from what I feel
The gold bangles on my hands feel heavier
Like the pressure you put on me
To marry so young
My life was just beginning
My dreams yet unfulfilled
A promising future was awaiting me
But you pulled me back
You chosen a path for me
Which I wasn’t ready to take
I could have done something with my life
But you didn't understand and didn't want to
My life is over before it even began
I stand frozen
Unaware that the tears have began to fall from my eyes.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

I Just Want To Be Happy

I want to grow wings….
Fly high in the sky
Until I reach and touch the burning stars
Hold the scorching stars tight in my palm
Until my skin burns and peels.
I mere price to pay
For my wishes and dreams to come true
I want to sit in a corner, pitch dark room
My hands and legs bound
Befriend the ghosts
Until their booing quietens
And I fear them no longer
I don’t want to be afraid anymore
I want to tear my heart open
From my ribs, the protective shield
That encased it
Forget past heartache, misery & insecurities
That held me back before
Give my heart to a complete stranger
In the middle of a unknown street
I want to know what love is

Can’t you see I just want to be happy?

Cyber Love

I would wait all day for you
Because you mean that much
The free time I have
I await your arrival
To rid me for a moment of this heart ache
To feel you somewhat close to me
My fingertip caressing the screen
Day dreaming of having you here with me
I believe your promises of love
Not for a second I doubt
Because I don’t want to be lonely anymore
True love this must be
When you’re here I feel complete
When you’re gone I feel unfulfilled
I feel I have yet more to say
When that’s not the case
I yearn to be in your presence
To hear you breath
To hold you tight in my arms
Most of all to look lovingly in your eyes
And Say I love you
I really do, this is no lie
Yes, these words written are empty still
Lacking any meaning
No worries my love
Soon you will know this love is true
The day will come when we finally meet
I will never give up hoping for that day

Too Deep

Too many tears
Too much pain
Cut Me
Cut Me Deep
I want to see
The Blood oozing
The tears falling
I want to feel a small ounce of your pain
I want to understand
How you feel
Every hour
Every second
That goes by

But can i…?

memories & my feeling for you

The day I first met you
Was the day that I couldn’t
Look at you straight in the eye

I was shy but I’ve grown since then
As we talked
I knew instantly we would be good friends
I squirted orange juice at you
Funny looking back
As we parted you asked
If I would like to do this again
My answer was yes,
Your company was enjoyable and still is even now

We grew closer
As time went by I could feel you liked me
I liked you too
You had a girl though
Who didn’t deserve you
But you with your good soul
Didn’t want to leave her
I was there by your side
Encouraging you to leave her
Not only because I cared so much
But because I secretly wanted you

We went to the cinema
One cold December day
The day I shared 1 of the many beautiful memories with you
We laughed hard & joked a lot
We were only friends
But it felt like a date
You asked me if you could hold my hand
I politely accepted
You gripped it when the scary scene came
Reassuring to know that
I wasn’t the only one scared of the ending
Of paranormal activity
Don’t deny it because I know the truth!

The next day
Was the day we became a couple
Your exact words were
“Be by my side”
Couldn’t believe it
That you were finally mine
Me & you
That’s the way it should be always

Every day I saw you
From then on
I grew happier
Didn’t know what I did to deserve a guy like you
I didn’t even know it was possible
To find a guy as wonderful & genuine as you
I’m speaking the absolute truth.

The only problem was me
Insecurities got the better of me
Not sure if I was really ready for a relationship
I was scared I wasn’t going to love you
Even though I liked you so much
Because I just wanted the best for you
Didn’t want to end up hurting you
Even though I ending up doing so
In a way
So I run away, the biggest mistake of my life

Theres no going back now
I’m going to always remember what we had
I know you are too
I know I will never get another chance
Too late, you found some one new
I must admit I’m jealous of her
I don’t think I completely moved on
I just pray she treats you better
And gives you all the love you deserve

Just know
I am always here for you
No matter what to listen to your problems & give advice

To make you laugh & to catch every single tear that may fall upon your eye
If only I was stronger
If only I was sure of myself
If only we met earlier

If only I could turn back time then maybe, just maybe...
I would still be with you creating more beautiful memories
There’s no point of saying if only
Because everything happens for a reason
& all good things come to an end

I'm just glad you were mine just for a moment in time